I’ve known loss most of my life. I was 10 years old when my brother died on the last day of school leading into the summer holiday and he was just 19. At an age when most kids are playing carefree, I was introduced to the kind of heartbreak that never quite let’s go. I didn’t have words for it then I just remembered the silence in the house, the way everything felt different, even the air. Years later, I lost my father at 59 when I was pregnant with my daughter, his granddaughter, he was far too young and yet we always think we'll have more time, don’t we? And most recently I said goodbye to my mother at 93. She lived a full life but even that kind of longevity doesn’t make the loss any softer when it comes. She was still my mom; she was still home. Each of these losses brought a different kind of grief. Each shaped me, and yet no matter how many times we lose someone we love, the pain always feels new and the season changes and they’re not here to share it. So, as I shift to another Blog, I feel what you feel and I understand what you’re going through.
As the seasons shift, many of us feel that aching reminder that another season is arriving, but someone we love is not here to share it.
Whether you’ve lost a spouse, a child, a sibling, a dear friend or someone whose presence grounded your world, the changing of the seasons can stir emotion we didn’t expect. Joy may feel muted. Traditions feel incomplete. The world keeps moving forward while a part of you wants to stay back in the time when things were whole.
So let me answers some questions that our families ask us when working with them at the time of loss.
Is this normal?
Yes. Every bit of it. Like I have said before in past blogs that grief doesn’t follow a calendar. There’s no straight line through sorrow. Sometimes the sun on your face can bring comfort. Other times it highlights the emptiness beside you. One moment you may laugh the next you feel guilty for it.
Why do I feel guilty for living?
This is one of the most common and confusing emotions people experience after loss, so you may ask yourself:
“Am I allowed to enjoy life?”
“If I’m laughing does that mean I’ve forgotten?”
“What would they think if they saw me smiling?”
But here’s the truth, your love for them does not disappear because you live. In fact because of your love you must live. You carry them forward with you not as a shadow, but as a thread in the fabric of your life. Living fully doesn’t dishonor them. It honours all the ways they touched you.
When will it feel easier to breathe?
Grief softens in its own time. At first, it’s like carrying a boulder and you can't move without feeling crushed, but over time the boulder becomes a stone in your pocket, still there, but more manageable. Then some days it’s not a weight it’s just a memory that brings warmth.
Let that be okay………
How do we navigate these seasons?
Acknowledge the absence. It's okay so say their name, to talk about them, to say “I miss you today.” Allow the mix of emotions. Sadness and joy can exist together so can peace and pain so let them.
Create quiet rituals. Light a candle, visit a special place, write a letter to them. Rituals anchor us in meaning.
Don’t be alone all the time; please connect with others. You’re not alone. Speak your grief, share your stories because I’ve learned over the years that healing often happens in communities.
One thing is to be gentle with yourself. There is no right way to grieve, only your way.
So just remember that seasons change, but love remains…………
If you’re reading this maybe you’re wondering if what you're feeling is normal. I want you to hear this: “you are not broken”. You are grieving and grieving is an act of love. There’s no time limit, no moving on, only moving forward one breathe at a time.
So as this new season begins may you find small moments of comfort, may you feel your loved ones presence in the wind, the light and the quiet. And may you remember it's okay to live, it's okay to feel joy again. You carry them with you always 😊
Until next time with compassion and care, wishing you peace and warmth 🙏
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