Remembering Brian John Gordon

Beloved son, father and brother, born January 18^th, 1965, died of suicide on August 10^th, 2022 at the age of 57 after many years of mental illness and addiction.

He will be so dearly missed by his family – his daughter, Shandra Matson, his mother, Pauline Gordon (Brad Emmons), his father, Stewart Gordon (Lee), his brother Stephen Gordon (Marie-Claude) and his sister Cathie Martin (Bill). He will be missed by his close friends. Brian’s large extended family of uncles, aunts, cousins, niece and nephews all feel the sorrow of his loss.

Stephen and I (Cathie) had just visited Orillia a few weeks earlier and had the loveliest dinner at our mom’s place. Brian chose to join us, which was very unusual for him. We all talked like brothers and sisters do, chatted and laughed with our mom and Brad, and toasted our little family. It had been such a long time since we had done that.  In hindsight, we feel it was a gift to have that evening together.

It almost harkened back to earlier days. Brian was a cute, bright, funny, talented kid. Great guitar player, straight A student, loyal friend. A full head of red, red, red hair that you couldn't miss. His future looked bright.

Things got dark sometime in high school. Eventually he quit school and went to work in construction. During his 20's he had his own business designing and installing beautiful interlocking brick. By now his illness was probably well under way, but he pushed through. Until he couldn't. There were some pretty bleak times with many stays in hospitals for many years. It took us forever to navigate through the mental health system to try to help him. But we did and eventually things became more stable about 10 years ago. It felt like he had turned a page. Brian led a quiet life and had a gentle, quiet demeanor.

He adored his daughter. He had his music as refuge and dove into lots of complex time signatures. He studied various advanced math topics over the years. He had a few friends. His immediate family tried to fill some of the gaps the system left. His dad visited regularly. His mom was vigilant in providing constant support for many, many years - including getting busted by hospital staff for smuggling cigarettes when he was involuntarily admitted to a facility with the most ridiculous no-smoking rules. Brian had an amazing support group of doctors, health workers and social workers in his corner in Orillia. Adam Nesbitt, in particular supported Brian with true warmth and respect. Dr. Guller at Orillia Soldiers Memorial Hospital was kind, funny, sensitive and completely engaged.

But Brian wasn't happy. He rarely smiled. Mental illness and addiction really stripped him of even the tiniest bit of happiness. Not just the mental illness – the isolation that goes hand-in-hand with that diagnosis. He must have felt the social stigmas, and he definitely felt the poverty caused by the limits of our social support systems.

Brian had to deal with so much pain - physical, emotional, mental, everything. And with no end in sight.  No real hope.  So, when the coroner called with the cause of death, we were in shock but quickly moved on to deep, deep sadness for him. None of this was his fault. We heard he died very peacefully, so we take comfort in that at least.

Brian’s life and death deserve the dignity to be shared publicly. He was a loving, brilliant, kind person who deserved so much better in his short life. The more we all learn about suicide, mental illness and addiction, maybe more voices will demand change so everyone can live with dignity and hope.

There will be a funeral mass at Guardian Angels Church in Orillia at 10:30am on Saturday, September 24^th.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks for donations to Orillia Soldiers Memorial Hospital (https://osmhfoundation.ca/donate/) and they will be accepted by Carson Funeral Homes – L. Doolittle Chapel, 54 Coldwater St. E Orillia (705) 326-3595.